How tempting it is
How tortuous it would be
To look back at all the love
You used to send to me.

Fuck this feeling.

When does it stop?
When does it all stop?

I am mad at God.

That's okay, right?
That's okay.

If this is summer, I want winter.
Anything but this.
Anything but these late, hopeless nights.
Anything.

Words.

As "Words" being one of my Love Languages (in fact, my top one) it's unfortunately sad to see how much less words are beginning to mean to me.
Time and time,
whether it's friends saying you'll "always be bestfriends no matter what"
or a lover spilling open to you, saying you're the most perfectly suited for them and no one else holds the candle like you do,
or whether it's your parents declaration of "I do" many years ago
Words are empty, and hallow, and meaningless. Words are not promises.
Because friends don't stay in your life forever, and even the ones you thought you would have with you for the rest of your life don't hold that same spot in your heart they way you once thought they always would.
And that boy, well he may mean every bit of what he's saying, but he can't keep his feelings from changing over night
And "I do" is supposed to be the one biggest promise, two simple little words that are supposed to hold the most meaning in the world,
but you don't see the evidence in that when your parents end up divorced.
I don't know if it's my own self-made inevitable downfall, for putting so much hope and meaning and importance in words.
Maybe I just take words to mean so much more than the average person,
or maybe words should mean that much, to every one.
And I know life happens, things change, people change, feelings change--everything is always changing.
And what is a life if it isn't constantly evolving and changing?
Well, that would be a fairy tale.
I just don't understand the point in having something, if it's only going to be taken away from you.
I don't understand why God allows such amazing things to happen in a person's life, such amazing people to come into and be a part of your life, if they're only going to be snatched back after you've had a taste of real happiness.
I know He wants us to learn to appreciate, and to live a life of gratitude, and to not take our blessings for granted. And I can honestly say, I know how to appreciate a good thing when I have it. Or I thought I did.
Maybe you're not really appreciating the moment or the person when you're too caught up, obsessing, over how it will all end, and the intense pains of having to "let go".
But does He also want us to lose hope in words like "Friendship", "Trust" and "Love"?
Everywhere around me, I'm given all the reasons to lose all of my hope in anything good and anything good lasting.
I'm on the verge of losing that last particle of it. Of hope. I don't know what I'm even hanging on to anymore, and my hands are numb, but I just can't let myself believe in such a disparity.
 Even if there's just one small morsel of hope left, I think I'd die without it. I think that's why I hang on.
Words are empty and shallow and hollow and they contain nothing.
They're only good for that short amount of time they're expressed and exchanged.
But just because they're said once, or even a bunch of times,
it does not
and will never
mean that it will be that way forever.
or that they will mean what they said, forever.
Things change, the meaning of words change, people change.
In no way, shape or form, do words hold promises.
Words are empty.
Words are hollow.
Words are nothing.

RIP Tia.

When your mom calls at midnight, barely able to speak through the sobs and tears......

I can't forget to remember God.

Never the right time for happiness.

I just get so overwhelmingly happy sometimes that I need to share it. But just like everyone else harboring their negative emotions and feelings over unfortunate events in their lives, so goes the same routine for me and my happy ones.

Missing my bestsssss

Nobody's Perfect

but you're perfect for me.





--J.Cole ft. Missy Elliott

"I think of you when I listen to this song"

The Little Things

I think why I'm taking this so hard is because I know that in a few weeks this is going to be happening, but with everyone. One by one, we'll each be leaving. Going back to our homes, no longer living together in this little community. This is probably the first time in my whole entire life where I have been a part of a group or a "crew" and have felt like I belong in it. I have always had two or three friends that are my people, and I've loved that. I've always loved just having a few people that I need and not caring about being a part of a group or having a crew that I do everything with. Honestly. But this year. These last few months, I've been blessed to have found a group of people (along with still keeping my key people) that's shown me what I've been missing out on my whole life. And what's even more special is that it just happened--naturally and all at once. We've become inseparable. I guess in a way, I'm glad I've never had a group of people such as this one before, because I fear that maybe I would not have been able to cherish these people the way that I do right now. I am honestly so so so incredibly blessed to have these people in my life, and to have been given the chance to form incredible bonds with people I probably would never have formed them with at any other point in my life. God's timing is perfect. He's given me some of the greatest friends and some of the greatest memories, at the most perfect time in my life. Right before everything is about to change. Although these last few moments together are bittersweet, my memories of them are everlasting and the love I have for these people will  honestly, honestly never go away. I am so blessed. I am so lucky. I am so loved.

Just
                        not
                                                                                              ready.

"I said that I'd stop rapping, but I'll always have a verse for you
I'd say you're picture perfect, it seems that the reverse is true
Cause in a perfect picture, I'd see nothing but a perfect view
Of sunny skies and your lovely eyes,
Cause what makes the picture perf is you."

Literally, one of the best weekends in all of my three years here. <3 nbsp="" p="">

Keep your eyes on me.

8hours.

Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake

it could bend or it could break

but that's the risk that you take.

New Year's Memories.

*Making fun of DA after she went MIA at midnight on New Years* KP: "Do you smell that? It smells like...it smells like mistletoe."
AT: "It smells like New Year's kiiiissssss."
KP: "How many did you do? 2011?"

**Trip down memory laneee

& pray.

This feeling goes on and on.

Welcome back.

Stick around, real feelings might surface.